Imprints & Pathways
(Poems about awakening within)
By Sophie Rouméas

V The Chariot
(Or Pathological Demand Avoidance)
By Sophie Roumeas

Dear Friend,

Welcome into this poem.

Here,

one word does not hide another.

Sentences arise as nature intends them,

and I let myself be carried by their flow.

To sit at the table of writing,

something had to align,

connections had to form within my synapses,

so that the impulse could travel all the way

into movement.

This spontaneity is not given to everyone.

I know some of my fellow humans

for whom impulse does not follow thought,

for whom the hand does not trace what the eye already sees,

for whom the step does not go where the mind knows it could.

Within the maze of our humanity,

there exists a particularity

that suspends the impulse, and avoids all demands—

those from the outside or those arising within.

This poem speaks of them.

To you,

who avoid demands—

those of others, from the vastest to the simplest,

and even your own—

Your life unfolds on a map you know how to read,

but do not follow.

You are pulled by the desire to act,

then suddenly halted by the feeling of being constrained.

Nothing seems spontaneous.

And yet… everything is.

One foot steps forward,

the other withdraws to protect you.

But protect you from what?

What others call a goal,

a task, a direction,

you may sometimes feel as a constraint,

a pressure,

even a form of punishment.

You are this chariot,

drawn by two horses.

One understands, accepts, moves forward.

The other resists, and whispers:

“You will not have me bend to your demand.”

So you find yourself pulled between the two.

You try, you reason with yourself,

you push yourself, and often you judge yourself.

« lazy »

« incapable »

« I procrastinate »

Words that slowly erode

your confidence, your strength, your sense of worth.

And yet, the child you once were

was not this.

They grew in particular lands:

sometimes too narrow,

sometimes too unstable,

sometimes too demanding… or too controlling.

And they learned, without knowing,

that responding to a demand

could mean losing a part of themselves.

So they developed a precious intelligence:

to avoid—

in order to remain whole.

And so, you built a world

by protecting yourself, distancing yourself from others,

from their demands, and even from their help.

And at times, by resisting—others, even yourself—

often feeling overwhelmed, uncertain of meaning.

Uncertainty became tension,

a demand became a breach.

And avoidance, a way to regain your hold

over your life, over your desires.

An adaptation of a sensitive system

in a world that does not always know how to be.

A world that labels, misnames, and sometimes diminishes.

An adaptation that costs—

in effort, in time, in energy.

Dear friend,

You can learn again to choose:

when to respond,

how to respond,

or not to respond.

Those who have walked this path share this:

to step out of the perception of constraint,

to return attention to meaning,

helps rebuild inner safety,

trust, and the joy of living.

What you do—

may you reconnect it to who you are.

You can choose. You can explore.

You can reconcile action with your meaning,

remaining true to who you are.

May you gently release:

invisible loyalties,

old injunctions,

protections that have become too tight.

Then, perhaps one day,

the two horses will no longer need to struggle.

They will learn to move together.

And the chariot,

without force, will find its path.

And perhaps, comfort will arise

in allowing yourself to be loved as you are.

Remember, we are all different. 

We may act differently, think differently,

even support one another differently…

The journey of understanding is the key

to a world that includes more than it excludes,

and honors the diversity of our shared humanity.

I see you, and I recognize you as you are.

For it takes courage

to hold the reins of an inner chariot

that only asks to be understood—

and finally, to be at peace.